Due to their current slump, the Stl. Cardinals called a players-only meeting yesterday. In that meeting, as an act of team unity, some shaved their heads. They then, almost immediately, went out and got two-hitted by another left-hander.
I think calling players-only meetings is all well and good, but a couple things stood out to me about this particular one:
- If you’re going to do an act of “team unity” make sure the entire team is in, otherwise, it’s an oxymoron. In case you didn’t notice, the starting pitcher for last night’s game (Jake Westbrook) still had a full head of hair.
- In addition to making sure everyone’s in on the “team unity” thing, make sure everyone is making an equal sacrifice. What I’m saying here is that the two highest paid players on the Cardinals were already bald. They didn’t sacrifice a whole lot.
- If you’re going to call one of these meetings, make sure it results in something. Two hits? Really? Would they have been no-hitted if they hadn’t met?
While I was watching the game I came up with a list of alternatives the Cardinals should have done rather than shaving their heads:
- Taken extra infield practice.
They need it. I have never seen so many errors by the Cardinals in my lifetime. - Went to the batting cages.
Do I really need to elaborate on this one? We were at the Lake of the Ozarks last month and they had batting cages for $.50. Just think of how many rounds they could have played on their salaries! - Watched any (or all) of the following movies to try to get some sense of what baseball is about:
- Bull Durham
(maybe they should have all worn garter belts instead of shaving their heads…or maybe they already are and that is their issue)
- Major League
(stick the the first, they went downhill after that)
- The Natural
- The Rookie
- The Sandlot
- The Bad News Bears
(original please)
- Field of Dreams
- Bull Durham
- Went to the local little league practice to have one of their left-handed kids throw batting practice. I’d wager he’d pitch a shutout too. Come to think of it, I have a 10-yr-old leftie that I’m pretty sure could dominate them.
- Try to come up with a good way to say, “There’s always next year” to make it not sound like the Cubs. Come to think of it, did anyone see any animals run on to the field this year? Black cat? Racoon? Unicorn?
- Watch every Rams game from the last 10 years. Now really, you don’t want to be those guys do you? If that doesn’t motivate a person I don’t know what does.
- Try to figure out a new math system that would eliminate the numbers 6-4-3. Seriously, how many teams do you know that when the bases are loaded with no outs the next batter up will strike out and the on-deck batter will then hit into a 6-4-3 double play? Maybe the Cards new anthem should be, “Ya’ down with hitt’n’ into ‘da 6-4-3? Ya, you know me!” (for those of you young’uns out there, this is a reference to the song by Naughty By Nature called O.P.P
)
